Director: James Glickenhaus
Cast: Ken Wahl, Alberta Watson, Jeremiah Sullivan, Klaus Kinski, William Prince, Steve James, Peter Hooten.
The Soldier is simply one of those films that, for some strange reason, manages to capture your attention while you are searching in your local video store for a delectable treat. Immediately after glancing at the film’s nifty video cover—where a silhouette of “The Soldier” is standing proudly while in the background, it looks like a fiery explosion is occurring—you would think that it would provide some amusing good times.
What is really woeful here is that The Soldier had the potential to be a pretty decent action film. Certainly director James Glickenhaus, the “genius” filmmaker behind the viciously violent vigilante (say that ten times fast) flick The Exterminator and the supposedly stupid thriller Suicide Cult was ambitious. Judging by the film’s premise and promise, Glickenhaus wanted to create the ultimate “political spy thriller.” Indeed, my first impression of this movie was that maybe it could be an intriguing spy action movie in the tradition of the James Bond films. What has James Glickenhaus done instead? He has fabricated one of the most far-fetched action films ever to embrace my life. The Soldier is not only far-fetched, but it is so incredibly pathetic that you cannot even have fun laughing at it. I cannot recommend The Soldier for it offers very little merits. However, I know that many of you are in need of some unhealthy junk food, so I have no choice but to say that The Soldier will provide nourishment to satisfy that hunger (though in the end, you will regret it).
The (Poor Excuse For a) Plot
In the early 1980s, the Cold War is very much alive. Russian terrorists led by Dracha (Klaus Kinski) have hijacked enough plutonium that will enable them to destroy half of the world’s oil supply. If half of the world’s oil supply is demolished, communism is likely to spread and the Cold War would become the Nuclear War. Put two and two together, and that spells doom for humankind. These insane terrorists have hidden the plutonium bomb somewhere in the middle of a Saudi Arabian oil field.
The terrorists intend to unleash a catastrophe that will destabilize the balance of power unless one condition is met: the Israelis must withdraw their forces from the West Bank of Jordan. Of course, Israel refuses to budge, and the US President (William Prince) is deadlocked; so the Head of the CIA decides to call upon the U.S. government’s top secret weapon. The Soldier (Ken Wahl, TV’s Wiseguy ) is the ultimate one man fighting machine! He represents truth, justice, democracy...and all of the other usual American values. He is America’s last line of defense against terrorism. (If you ask me, with him being democracy’s last hope...well, how can I say this? Let me just say that we are totally screwed!)
Luckily, for him, the Soldier does not work alone. He is aided by his posse, known otherwise as “The Soldier’s Force” (the roster includes Steve James, veteran actor of Italian action films Peter Hooten, Joaquim de Almeida, and Alexander Spencer). Oh yeah, there is also an important female character named Susan Goodman (Alberta Watson). I do not remember why she was in this movie; perhaps the Soldier just needed a love interest to keep him company.
Democracy and the balance of power (not to mention oil as a commodity itself) are at stake. Can the Soldier thwart the terrorists on time, or will the U.S. kiss their precious oil supply farewell?
Meet James Glickenhaus: a hack filmmaker extraordinaire.
See folks, this is what happens when a potentially intriguing premise falls into the wrong hands. Right from the start, after the nifty opening credits sequence, I somehow knew that this movie was going to be an abomination. How? Well, in the beginning, a limousine driving by “accidentally” hits a lady and her baby carriage. Moments later, it was all a decoy as three seemingly innocent bystanders were actually terrorists. Even later, the Soldier and his homeboys arrive to mercilessly gun down these terrorists. Even better, Glickenhaus decides to show every gruesome bullet wound frame by frame. Even after these guys are dead, the Soldier’s Force continues to riddle the corpses full of bullets anyway. A movie with a ludicrous introduction like that is just dying to be assailed by the likes of me.
Knowing that James Glickenhaus already has had a bad reputation in the film industry (I heard that he made a travesty out of Jackie Chan with the film The Protector ), I really could not force myself to have great expectations of this movie. Yet, since this film boasts itself as an “espionage thriller,” I thought that maybe it could have been an entertaining, no-nonsense copycat of the James Bond movies. I guess that makes me a tad bit hypocritical (I am grinning as I write this). Well, after watching this movie, I have come to the conclusion that James Glickenhaus is an inept filmmaker who knows how to transform a cliché premise into an even duller product. With the exception of the well-crafted Shakedown, I can see why Glickenhaus is not well-regarded by both critics and moviegoers.
“The Soldier” is Just a James Bond Impersonator
First of, I should comment that The Soldier is simply a bland motion picture. This movie has no plot twists, no interesting characters, no suspense, no logic, and virtually no originality. Basically, James Glickenhaus (credited as writer, producer, and director...tick, tock, tick, tock) took the super-spy genre (such as the films of James Bond, amongst others) and decided to sprinkle some repugnant violence and themes about the Cold War to try to captivate viewers. Well, instead, he made me snooze throughout this entire film...
The Soldier basically regurgitates all the clichés you expect from movies of this mold. The movie has the typical fast cars, technological jargon, the obligatory female love interest, and lots of bloody squibs. The Soldier himself is a carbon copy of James Bond; only the Soldier does not have any cool catch phrases or even a personality. Had Ken Wahl been a more competent actor, maybe the Soldier would have been a glorious hero to root for.
Speaking of Acting...
Simply put, the acting in The Soldier was awful. This film includes one of the most boring cast of characters ever. Ken Wahl’s character is quite insipid; his character aspires to be slick, but instead, he has no depth, and no interesting traits about him. His character is shrouded in mystery, but instead of that being captivating it simply dehumanizes his character. Hell, we do not know his background, or even what his real name is! Veteran actor Klaus Kinski could have made his villain, Dracha, sinister and conniving, but his performance was poor and unconvincing. Everybody else in this movie...forget it. Not even the late Steve James could save this movie from falling into humdrum. If you find this movie to be very tedious, well look for “blink-and-you-will-miss” cameos by Jeffrey Jones, Zeljko Ivanek, and country singer George Strait to keep you busy. I have to question what the hell were these guys doing in this movie.
“The Soldier” Moves At a Snail’s Pace
If you know me, you know that I love my action films to be fast paced and riveting. Unfortunately, The Soldier moves slower than rush hour traffic on a weekday morning. So how dreadful was the pacing of The Soldier? Well, during one part of the film, I went to the refrigerator to have a snack. Several minutes later, I briefly checked my e-mail. Then, I decided to brush my teeth. Did I miss any exciting action scenes? No, during those times that I took breaks, I did not miss a single interesting moment. When a movie wastes time on pointless scenes of people driving around for minutes...you know that a film moves at a snail’s pace.
Where’s the Action?
I was looking forward to some spectacular action scenes, but tragically, I felt discouraged at the film’s surprisingly lukewarm thrills. The ski chase scene (which was purported to be the “highlight” of the film) was OK, but come on, how many times have you seen that action scene being performed before? Also, does James Glickenhaus have to shoot every action scene in slow motion? Apparently, Glickenhaus wanted to film all of the action scenes in slow motion for over-dramatic effect. Case in point, a terrorist blows away a cop with a shotgun. The cop receives one of the biggest shotgun wounds in the history of exploitation cinema. The same cop slowly falls down, grasps his last breath, and eventually expires. I suppose Glickenhaus wanted to make the audience feel “shocked” for the murder of the cop, but instead, that scene was simply too absurd. Also, when a truck explosion is shown in slow-motion, the effect of that explosion taking place is more laughable than stylish.
The action scenes could have been very invigorating, but since James Glickenhaus has neither flair nor style as a director, these scenes—which should have burst with excitement—were poorly executed. I also felt that Glickenhaus made the stupid mistake of relying on graphic violence too much. The violence in this movie was simply violence for violence’s sake, which, by my standards, is uncalled for.
Cold War
One of the only redeeming factors in The Soldier are the themes about the Cold War. This film was made during the eighties, at a time when tensions over the possibility of an impending nuclear war still existed. The Soldier tries to exploit people’s fears of a possible nuclear catastrophe. The film asks (but never really answers) a series of hypothetical questions such as: “What happens if the rocky relationship between the U.S., the Soviet Union, and Israel turn hostile? “What happens when the Cold War escalates into a war of global proportions?” “Is the U.S. adequately prepared to handle a situation like that?” Yes, I find it tragic that The Soldier would abandon those intriguing themes in favor of boring audiences to death with meaningless fistfights and a wholly prosaic conclusion. I found myself yelling by the end, “That’s it! What a gyp!”
There are also faint signs of “jingoism” in this movie. Case in point, the film portrays the U.S. and democracy as good while communism and especially the Russians are “evil.” (The last part about Russians is NOT my opinion; I am merely stating that the film evokes that type of message.) The Soldier himself acts quite jingoistic in the end with his “aggressive foreign policy.”
What’s Good
Well, I guess that The Soldier has mediocre cinematography. Like I said before, James Glickenhaus does not do a good job adding verve to the action scenes, but the scenery in this movie is fairly gorgeous. I also felt that Glickenhaus did a good job with the on-location shooting in various areas of the world including Austria, Jerusalem, and New York City. Also, I guess that the idea of a politcal spy thriller with Cold War overtones was pretty ambitious for an exploitation director like James Glickenhaus. The pulse-pounding musical score by Tangerine Dream was fairly effective, though the melodies did not offer much variety.
In Conclusion...
Lucky for everybody, I went through all the pain and misery of watching this movie so that I can remind others not to see it. I know that no matter how much I warn everyone about the awfulness of this movie, there will be people who are attracted to movies like The Soldier. Some folks out there are compelled to see this flick. Well go ahead, but remember, you will regret your decision! Real life consists of watching better movies than The Soldier.
RATING: *1/2 out of ****.